tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940040956431354565.post1055394828084247849..comments2019-10-19T04:17:57.771-07:00Comments on Baby Bella Mama: Choices, ChoicesBaby Bella Mamahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09119121828916292268noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940040956431354565.post-5609197970139338102010-04-14T08:08:58.235-07:002010-04-14T08:08:58.235-07:00Thanks, Becca. I was thinking more about it, too a...Thanks, Becca. I was thinking more about it, too and I was thinking of our Autistic kids... we give them control over the things they can have the control over so that they don't act out in ways that command control... I don't know if that made sense, but for Natalie, if I give her choices on things, for instance, bath or shower, she quickly makes a choice without arguing (more times than not) and then when she is faced with a demand, she is less likely to rebel because she has control in some of the other areas of her life. We've been trying it at home and did have a rough few days of tantrums - which had never occured before - but now its going really well! Thanks for posting your encouraging stories about James. It helps to read about someone else's struggles and triumphs!Sarah R.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02071739879256552742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940040956431354565.post-72813277114136617032010-04-03T06:16:51.987-07:002010-04-03T06:16:51.987-07:00I'm back with one more thought after pondering...I'm back with one more thought after pondering your question a bit. I think that Love and Logic is all about setting up situations that teach our children to take responsibility for their actions. It's definitely not about letting them get away with whatever they want. When I started following (and encouraging Andy to follow) the Love and Logic tips, James actually became *better* at listening and cooperating. Fey and Cline's rule #1 is that "adults must set firm, loving limits using enforceable statements without showing anger, lecturing, or using threats." And then we have to follow-through. As long as we follow through consistently, we are teaching our children to listen carefully to what we say and make good decisions, and take responsibility for the consequences of what they decide. So then when they get to school, if they have a teacher who only makes demands, they have a unstated choice: listen to the teacher or face the consequences. Because Love and Logic has prepared them to make good choices and take responsibility when they don't, they may be more apt to do well in this type of situation.<br /><br />In reality, though, I think most really good teachers draw from the tenets of Love and Logic, too. Actually, when I went to preview James' kindergarten, his (future) principal had a copy of the book on her desk! <br /><br />I totally think you should read the book, Sarah! It's a quick read and I probably can't do it justice in one blog post! :)ChildTalkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08288487055622728428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940040956431354565.post-69324603747709514732010-04-02T08:04:14.313-07:002010-04-02T08:04:14.313-07:00They do address it, at least indirectly. I'll ...They do address it, at least indirectly. I'll go back and see if I can find more info on it when I've got a bit more time. But from what I can remember, they touch on it from the standpoint of trusting that our children will learn quickly from the consequences in each situation. When our kids get to kindergarten, we can trust that they will learn from the expectations there (and to that point, James does very well with the expectations at 4K). As parents, we step back and let the teachers run the classrooms and enforce their own consequences and we, as parents, trust that our children will learn to make choices there as well as they have learned to do at home. <br /><br />Oops, Kasia is crying so I have to end this comment now!! I'll post again if I can find some more info. Great question though!! :)ChildTalkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08288487055622728428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3940040956431354565.post-39551471863032779292010-04-01T21:14:14.865-07:002010-04-01T21:14:14.865-07:00Thanks for sharing this, Becca. I found so many si...Thanks for sharing this, Becca. I found so many similarities in our parenting-styles-of-choice (for instance, the "mommy voice" and providing a choice of do it now, or go to your room). I have heard wonderful things about Love and Logic Parenting from friends in the area. I have been trying, as the age of three approaches, to offer more choices and let Natalie (and Taylor) live with the consequences, but you're right, it is ever-so-difficult to let them fail... and to not revert back to "dictator-mom."<br /><br />I think this is a wonderful parenting tool, but I hesitate just for a second because I always wonder what will happen when these well-adjusted, happy kids hit a possible kindergarten room of demands rather than choices. Do Fey and Cline address that?Sarah R.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02071739879256552742noreply@blogger.com